It always happens to me that if im too good to someone or if i feel i should not hurt others, the reward i get for being good is that i end up getting hurt by their harsh words! Or atleast they wont like me!
If I really do some groundwork and workhard and complete a job, the credit goes to my colleague or atleast she steals the credit from me!
Should I shout at her for being so mean? Then whats the difference between me and her?
Ah! wondering why this cribbing session? Read an article by Kate Lorenz, CareerBuilder.com Editor regarding this. Here the one which made me crib!!
Do nice guys finish last at work, too? A recent study published in the Journal of Occupational and Organizational Psychology says yes. Dr. Nikos Bozionelos of the University of Sheffield in England researched personality and career success and found that white-collar workers who were the most agreeable, conscientious and sensitive to the needs of others were less likely to be promoted
Bozionelos believes it's because they don't put their own needs first: "Agreeable people tend to self-sacrifice and compromise their own interests to make others happy." And because "nice" people do things just to please others, they often are given low-profile tasks no one else wants and wind up doing activities that don't enhance their careers.
Because American culture celebrates forcefulness -- even aggression, researcher and author Gary Namie says the altruistic have it just as rough here in the United States, where, "Nice gets you in trouble. Nice gets you exploited."
Author and executive coach Dr. Lois Frankel says there are a number of ways nice people undermine themselves. Here are five of the most common, along with tips for (pleasantly) breaking the cycle:
1.You Let Others' Mistakes Inconvenience You
Before rearranging your life to correct someone else's mistake, assess the risk versus the reward of meeting unreasonable expectations. At times you'll have no choice but to jump in to put out the fire. But there will also be times when you have the latitude to push back and say, "This isn't what we originally discussed and agreed to. Since I'll have to rethink the plan and put more time into it than anticipated, I won't be able to have it completed by the initially proposed deadline." Let the person know you want to provide the best service possible -- and ask for the time and resources needed.
2.You Let Others Take Credit For Your Ideas
Ever suggest an idea that seemed to fall flat, only to find out later it was implemented and someone else got the credit? To avoid having others steal your ideas, make sure you state them loudly and confidently or put them in writing. If you're at a meeting and someone proposes the same thing you've previously suggested, call attention to it by saying, "Sounds like you're building on my original suggestion, and I would certainly support that."
3.You Apologize Unnecessarily
Save your apologies for big-time bloopers. When you do make a mistake worth apologizing for, apologize only once, then move into problem-solving mode. Objectively assess what went wrong and ways to fix it. Always begin from a place of equality, for example: "Based on the information initially provided to me, I had no idea that was your expectation. Tell me more about what you had in mind and I'll make the necessary revisions."
4.You Work Without Breaks
Use your vacation days; take your lunch. Working non-stop can make you appear flustered, inefficient and incompetent. It also makes you less productive. To maintain maximum levels of concentration and accuracy, experts suggest you take a break every 90 minutes.
5.You Do Others' Work For Them
Recognize when people delegate inappropriately to you and avoid the inclination to solve everyone's problems for them. Practice saying unapologetically, "I'd love to help you out with this, but I'm swamped." Then stop talking.
Of course being nice is not all bad. Dr. Bozionelos points out that it can be of great advantage as long as you are aware of and able to adjust your natural tendencies to undervalue yourself and compromise your personal interests.
As Dr. Frankel puts it, "When all is said and done, do you really want written on your tombstone: "She Always Put the Needs of the Company Ahead of Her Own?"
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7 comments:
i think it depends on what kind of a person u r. If making others happy makes u happy truly, be so. If u have hard feelings about what u did, try not to repeat it in the future...
:) ram, making my friends happy makes me truly happy, but then when i feel my friend is not mine then i feel bad! Not that coz they are harsh to me makes me feel bad, but when they dont understand my luv n affection for them, i feel depressed.
i understand real luv is to luv and show ur care without any expectations!
May be u can call me bit possessive too! :)
the one thing i've learnt in life is to not be possessive about anything. It's a bad thing and can be really hurting to ourselves and those that dont deserve to be hurt cos of OUR possessiveness! Unfortunately we cannot be taught how to get out of this thing. it just happens. I used to be possessive and now here i am, with no possessive feelings! I hope u'll be out of it too, soon.
A small Digression
Sri, its happens everywhere but i guess we sticking to what we are and sticking to our ethics is something very important. For example take a school like mine, One of the best in Electrical Engineering esp Hardware, Some courses we need to take from networking atleast one or two, here the problem comes in. Ppl get into networking program from all backgrounds here and they do things they r not supposed to be doing, ie. cheat they cheat at this level too and end up with A+, ppl like me will put in out best efforts, I remember being the only desi sitting in the first row and writing my exam, half the junta duped the TA and put a collaborative effort. Now this will not matter in the long run, today due to false efforts and things like that they may boast oh i got a better grade than u in that course well we know the industry will look at what u know not how much u scored in one exam. Similarly in the long run what we do in our jobs and how good we are will help us, these gains the others get are only for the moment they wont last.
" The harder route is the less chosen but everlasting "
Ram, buddhiku puriyudhu and theriyudhu, but at times it happens so that manasu kekaradhu illa :|
@ Aks thanks for that inspiring long example :)
I too have been wondering if being a nice guy makes a person weaker. But after all these years of being what I am (which is debatable), I put my 10 paisa on being nice. Selfish people might gain the short-term, but being nice has it's effects on the long-term and that is what matters more.
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