If you are happy right now, it's not because everything about your life is necessarily
going right , but because a relationship that really matters to you the most is going great.
If you are unhappy right now, it's NOT because everything about your life is necessarily
going wrong, but because a relationship that really matters to you the most is NOT going great.
Relationships are like seeds. They have to be nurtured and developed. Expectations are like
weeds. They grow with time. When enough investment goes into building a relationship,
the expectations in that relationship can be managed. When a relationship is left un-nurtured,
then the expectations in that relationship shake the very roots of the relationship. Our problem
is growing expectations in stagnant relationship.
To nurture relationship is simpler than simple. Do this :
Nurture your relationships with the investment of quality time. Take time to listen and
understand. As often as possible, communicate to be understood. Seek to give and be graceful
in receiving.
Go .. Nurture your relationship
P.S : Got this one as a forward, but made a lot of sense and so its way into my blog :-). Sorry for updating all forward stuffs offlate. Will update a real post soon. Its simply mal-functioning of my brains (can listen to your words **"Do you have any??"** but what to do.. with the little that i have.. need to think and write something ;))
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18 comments:
pharsht comment Naane!!!
Yenga Katchi Vaazhga :)
Very true about the relationship... Things shud not be taken for granted... we need to nurture the relationship by spending enough time...
hey..even if its a forward...it sure does convey lot of message...i truely agree with it...people have to take their time in understanding the relationship around them...but most of them realize after its gone...
as said above.."Seek to give and be graceful in receiving"
"When enough investment goes into building a relationship,
the expectations in that relationship can be managed"
care to explain how it can be managed?
"Our problem
is growing expectations in stagnant relationship."
why do i remember my married friend here :-)
@ KK - Gold medal theskondi :P
@ Mystery - How very true.. we realize the value of any person only when they are no longer with us :(
@ Siva, yep very much.. let me take an example of a small girl and explain this :
Girl with her mom : All that she would want her mom to do is spend some time with her and help her out in doing her homework. In playing with her and sharing bed time stories with the kid. 10 different kinds of dolls won’t matter to the girl if her mom is not with her to play with those dolls. A motherly hug and warmth can never be replaced by any care-taker.
The child with her father - She sees him as her protector, as her hero. All he needs to do is to talk to her, tell her stories about great hero’s and play with her. Ask her about her school, her achievements and take her out during the evenings.
The child from her brother - His time to play with her, fight with her and make her strong. Jus spend time with her teaching her how to use the latest toys and play the games. Take her out while playing with his friends :-)
The Girl from her lover boy - Real quality time with her.. if they are in the same place.. then speak to her, meet her in person, exchange of I love you's and jus the time being together. To listen to her speak her heart out. To care for her and a shoulder for her to rest upon and to dream about her future. If they are at long distance.. a couple of calls.. the 5 or 10 mins that he spares to speak to her means a lot for her. She forgets all her worries when he ask's her if she had her food in time? If she was okay.. it may sound very simple and trivial. but those things matter a lot.
A wife from her husband, the time he spends with her to ask about how her day was.. what did she do and let her speak and the time he gives only for her..the time he spends in talking to her, the time he spends to take her out..it means a lot to the girl.
An old parents from their children and grandchildren, a couple of mins to hold their hands, sit next to them, give them the warmth and the hug and to speak to them. To tell them about the world outside which they cannot go and see.. explain the tiny things that they can no longer feel.. read them out their favorite book, which they can no longer read.. those things make them happy, those little things brings a smile on to their face..
I jus took an example of a little girl, may be the same is applicable for a boy too.. but his expectations from people would also be different, but all the same.. he would also want them to be with him.. he would also long for that personal touch of his folks :-)
There is nothing like spending some quality time with ur beloved. We may be multi millionaires one day, but if we don’t have a relation to whom we can express what our thought is or what we feel and what we are undergoing, then its not worth all the struggle :-)
I guess this would explain pretty well, what quality time means to nurture a realationship http://dreamzdoodles.blogspot.com/2007/01/oru-kuzhandaiyin-engudhal.html
Aaha.. Super-a oru point sonneenga... irunga.. naan poi en ella friendskkum oru call adikkaren :)
:) nice one. hmm but is relationship the only thing that matters to us?
Its one of the major thing that matters Farini :-). If a relationship is not working, we will be mentally disturbed.. its not only with a husband-wife or lover-lover. It can be with anyone.. mom, dad or a good friend.. a small fight with them will keep haunting us and will take away our peace..
enaku botany class attend panna mari iruku :D :D nalla topic..
Celebration means......
Four friends
Bahar barsaat.
Four glasses of beer.
Celebration means
Hundred bucks of petrol.
A rusty old bike.
And an open road.
Celebration means
Maggi noodles.
A hostel room.
4.25 a.m.
Celebration means
3 old friends.
3 separate cities.
3 coffee mugs.
1 internet messenger.
Celebration means
Rain on a hot tin roof.
Pakoras deep-frying.
Neighbours dropping in.
A party.
Celebration means
You and mom.
A summer night.
A bottle of coconut oil.
A head massage.
You can spend
Hundreds on birthdays,
Thousands on festivals,
Lakhs on weddings,
but to celebrate all you have to do is spend your Time with your loved ones.
got this one as a fwd.. thought this would suit this topic aptly :-)
hey Heidi, lemme post the qn again.
"When enough investment goes into building a relationship,
the expectations in that relationship can be managed"
I'm talking from a receiving end. not from a fulfilling end. if my expectations from a non-stagnant relationship (which I feel is strong enough to pursue in the first place and matured) builds up and not able to meet up, how do I manage it? from a fulfilling end, I have total control over that. from a receiving end, maturity alone helps. right?
Siva, i guess i also saw ur qn from the receiving end, okay may be this will ans ur qn.
When in a relationship, both have good understanding and the relationship is matured, the person in the relationship knows what can be expected out of the other, and a bit of compromise on our expectation level will solve the problem.
Understanding of each other will help them know what can be got from the other person, and for that understanding, you need some time :-)
If a wife knows that her husband had a bad day at ofis, she would not expect him to help her out in her house hold work that day and she would not disturb him, so there wont be much of trouble.. so thats how it can be managed. Receiving end la irukarache we should know what can be expected, so we are not disappointed.. hope i made little sense this time :-s
you sure did :-)
:O you sure did ku thanks.. but ur comments??
"a bit of compromise on our expectation level will solve the problem"
- compromise might not be the apt word
but u followed it up with this
"we should know what can be expected, so we are not disappointed"
- so if we know what can be expected, it will not necessitate compromise, right?
I absouletely second all of that - nurturing and stuff...but there is a certain thing that got missed out: BE HONEST and LET THINGS GO WITH THE FLOW!!!
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